Chapter 4 - Coming Home

Angel was pacing back and forth in his suite wondering where the hell Will was. It was nearly sunrise and he wasn't home yet. Oh, God. What if something happened? What if some humans attacked him on his way home and he couldn't defend himself?

Pacing. Pacing. Pacing.

What if he started acting like the old Spike and Wesley staked him?

Pacing. Pacing. Pacing.

What if he picked up some guy at that bar and isn't coming back? Why did I have to choose a gay bar. Okay, so that doesn't really matter. Will was never choosy about his partners. Men, women, human, vampire. At least he wasn't like Dru, she'd fuck anything when the mood hit her.

Pacing. Pacing. Pacing.

"Hey, Angel. Is everything okay? You look worried." Angel turned around to find Will standing in the doorway staring at him.

"Where the hell were you? Do you know what time it is? Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Angel's voice rose with each question asked.

Will cowered, afraid Angel was going to punish him the way Angelus had done in the past. "S-s-sorry, Sire. The meditation took a while and then Wesley I were talking about England and the time got away from us and ..."

Angel suddenly realized that at some point he'd vamped out and Will seemed scared of him. He allowed his face to change back and tried to fix things. "I'm sorry, Will. I didn't mean to yell, I was just worried about you. I was imagining all kinds of bad things like humans attacking you or Wesley staking you. And it's nearly sunrise."

"Umm, Angel? I'm a Master, you think I don't know how to head for shelter when the sun comes up?"

"I know you do, Will. It's just ..."

"Just what?"

"I started wondering who you might seek shelter with" Angel muttered.

"What?" Will was flabbergasted. Was Angel jealous?

"Well, I know there are a lot of attractive guys at that bar I sent you to, and ..." Angel trailed off, embarrassed by what he'd been thinking. He was acting like a father whose teenager had broken curfew. He had no right to be possessive when it came to Will. He'd abandoned him years ago, the childe/sire bond was essentially nullified by his actions.

"Angel ... Wes and I left the bar 30 minutes after he got there and went back to his place. We went through the first of my exercises and then we talked, had some blood -- well he had tea, but ... What are you really worried about?" Will sensed that there something on Angel's mind. Something more than wondering why he was so late getting home.

What am I really worried about? When did he become so damn insightful? "You just got here, I don't want you to leave. I've ... I've missed you. I miss what we used to have ... before my soul, before I left you and Dru. Before we met up again in Sunnydale and I treated you ..." Angel trailed off.

"I've missed you too, Angel, and now that I'm here I'm not leaving. I told you already, you're going to have to kill me to get rid of me." Will stepped forward and looked up into Angel's eyes. "You're my sire, this is where I belong."

Angel hesitated and then his feelings spilled forth, "But I'm not Will. I gave up my rights as your sire a long time ago. You're a Master now. You're not some fledgling anymore, I can't control you. Hell, you'd probably kick my ass if we were to fight. And ... I don't want to control you."

"You're right, I could kick your ass, but that's beside the point. What do you want?" There was hope mixed with fear in Will's eyes. Does he want me to stay forever? Or does he want me to go and make things easier on him?

"I ... I want ... I want you to be my equal. No more calling me Sire."

"All right, luv, I can handle that." Will grinned, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"And ..."

"Oh, jeez, what?! What else is there? Spit it out already!" Spike was coming out again. Will grew impatient with Angel's inability to express himself.

"I want you to let me love you ... make love to you." Angel stared at the floor, unable to look at Will's eyes in case they held rejection.

"It's about bleedin' time. The last few nights I was wondering if you were ever gonna get around to shaggin' me. I was beginning to think my looks were fading. And with no mirror--"

Will's words were cut off as Angel's lips met his in a seering kiss. Will parted his lips and allowed Angel's tongue entrance. Will ran his hands up Angel's back and into his hair as Angel moved his mouth to Will's neck, licking and sucking gently. He continued his way to the base Will's throat and kissed his way down as he unbuttoned his shirt. He gently pushed the shirt off Will's shoulders and moved back up, licking along Will's collarbone until Will tugged Angel's sweater up and over his head.

The two men stood so close that they could feel each other's energy, but weren't actually touching and then finally Will pressed his body against Angel's, cool flesh meeting as the two kissed again. Both reached for the other's pants at the same time and they quickly divested each other of the last remnant of clothes. Angel lifted Will, carried him to the bed, and hovered over his body just barely letting their skin touch.

Will could only take so much teasing and finally pulled Angel's body down hard on top of his. He arched up, pressing his erection against Angel's. "Oh, God, Angel. Forget the foreplay, I need you inside me. Now!"

Angel reached over to the nightstand and grabbed some lube. He slicked up his fingers and easily slid one inside his lover. Will opened right up for him as he always had. Angel tried two and then three fingers with the same ease. He quickly lubed his hard cock and positioned himself at Will's opening. He looked in his lovers eyes and smiled. "Are you ready, Will?"

"Yes. Please, Angel, I need you." With that, Angel slowly slid inside the body he had missed for a hundred years."

"I've missed this, Will. I've missed being with you ... inside you ... loving you." He grabbed Will's hands with his own and raised them above their heads as he slowly rocked their bodies together. *This is heaven, this is home. This is where I belong.* "I love you, Will."

"Angel!" Will cried out in pleasure.

"I" thrust "love" thrust "you" thrust "Will." Thrust. "I love you." Thrust.

"I love you too, Si -- Angel."

Angel crushed his lips to Will's and continued making love to him until he could feel Will's climax approaching. "Be my equal? My ... mate? Forever?" he asked.

Will looked into Angel's eyes, searching for confirmation that his Sire was really asking him to be his mate. That he was sincere. That this was what he really wanted. Angel's eyes were questioning, but clear. Angel wanted him.

"Forever," Will whispered as he tilted his head to the side baring his neck. As one, they bit into each other and drank. They could feel their blood mixing. Will started to come and the gentle pull of his muscles brought Angel over the edge with him. As their simultaneous climaxes rolled through them, they each saw into the depths of the other's soul. But instead of the horrible images they usually saw inside themselves, all they saw in each other was beauty. As they looked deeper within each other they both saw the same thing staring back at them.

"Wesley," they both whispered as they stopped drinking.

~*~

After their exhaustive lovemaking, Angel and Will had fallen asleep wrapped up in each others' arms. Angel awoke to the sound of knocking at his door, his vampire sense of smell told him that it was Cordelia.

Angel leaned over and kissed Will softly before extricating himself from his lover's embrace and leaving the warmth of their bed. He slipped on a pair of pants and headed for the door. Cordelia's knocking had become more urgent and as it was before noon, Angel worried that something was wrong.

He opened the door and saw a smiling Cordelia standing in the hall. "Good morning, Angel." She started to step past him and into his rooms, but he stopped her and pushed her into the hall and stepped out pulling the door behind him. Cordelia looked up at him, puzzled.

"Will's asleep," he stated as if that explained everything.

"Oh." It was then that Cordelia noticed that Angel wasn't wearing a shirt and saw the faint traces of a bit mark on his neck. "Oh! Oh my, I didn't realize. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just be going." Cordelia's face had turned bright red and she started to walk away. Angel reached out and grabbed her shoulder to stop her.

"Cordy."

Cordelia stopped but didn't turn around to face him.

"Cordy? You didn't interrupt anything, we were just sleeping. Was there something you needed?"

"Needed?"

"Yeah, you know I usually sleep at this time of day, unless there's something going on. Was there a reason you came knocking on my door?"

"Oh. It's nothing. I just thought maybe you'd like to have lunch or something."

Angel knew she was lying. He could hear it in her voice. "Cordy." He turned her to him and saw that she was holding back tears. "What is it?"

"So ... you and Will? You're ... together?" Cordy forced a smile, pretending to be happy for them.

Suddenly Angel realized what was wrong. "Yes." He paused as he saw a single tear roll down her cheek. He reached up and brushed it away with his thumb. "I'm sorry, Cordy. Things between William and I have been complicated for a very long time, but it seems as though everything has fallen into place."

"But ... he just got here. He's only been here for a few days, Angel. We ... I thought we had something. You and I ..." her voice trailed off as the tears spilled forth.

"Cordy ... you are very special to me. You helped me with Connor, you've been here for me for what feels like an eternity. I love you. But ..."

"But you're not in love with me. Right. I understand." She started to pull away, but he stopped her.

"I'm sorry. I hate that I've hurt you." He looked into her eyes, hoping she would see that he was sincere and that he really was sorry.

"I know, Angel." She paused and looked at him. She wiped her eyes and forced a smile. "Do you love him? Is he the one that will make you happy ... forever?"

"Yes, I love him. I've loved him for a long time. Even when I hated him, I always loved him. We're ... we're mated now."

"Forever, then, huh?" She grinned.

"Yeah, forever." He smiled back.

"Well, I guess I have to go shopping then. What's a traditional gift for a vampire mating? China? Linens? A one-year subscription to the exotic animal blood-of-the-month club?" Cordy smiled a genuine smile. "If you're happy, I'm happy for you. But if he hurts you, I'll stake him."

Angel knew she was hurting, but he also knew that she really was happy for him. "There's somebody out there for you Cordy. Mr. Right will come along and you'll be happy that you're not stuck with a brooding old vampire like me," he joked.

"Yeah. What was I thinking?" She paused and just looked at him for a few minutes. "Well, I'll let you get back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you. We have a client coming in at 4 o'clock, but until then we don't need you downstairs."

"Okay, thanks." He turned and walked back to his door. "I'll see you later, Cordy." With that he opened the door and stepped inside.

"Well that was interesting. Seems things weren't as over as you thought, huh?" Apparently, Will had been awake and listened to the entire conversation.

"Yeah, I guess not. But everything's cleared up now." Angel stripped off his pants crawled back into the bed. Will immediately snuggled up to him and rested his head on Angel's shoulder.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"All of it, but which part are you referring to?" Angel asked with a smile.

"The part where you said you always loved me, even when you hated me?" Will's words were soft and uncertain.

"Yes." Angel kissed the top of Will's head and held him close. "I've always loved you and I always will. Now let's go back to sleep, I'm exhausted. We'll talk later. There's the little matter of Wesley that we need to discuss."

Will didn't respond to that comment. He knew what Angel was referring to. They both had an interest in the man. Later they would discuss what they were both thinking and feeling and decide what to do ... together. Will closed his eyes and let sleep take over his body. Angel soon followed.

~*~

Angel woke a few hours later to the sound of Will humming in the kitchen. Angel rose from the bed, walked into the kitchen and watched his lover crumble some crackers into the mug of blood he'd just pulled out of the microwave.

"Ugh. How can you eat that?"

"Gives it texture. And a little extra flavor. I never understood why you don't eat real food. I love to eat. And since I lost my bite, food and sex are the only real pleasures I have left."

"I just don't see the point in eating, I never did. We don't need food, but you always ate. I remember how much you used to love chocolate." Pause. "Chocolate candy, chocolate cake, hot chocolate..." Angel trailed off.

"Mmm. Buffy's mom made me hot chocolate once. She put these little marshmallows in it." Will was lost in thought for a moment. "She was a good woman. Kind. ... I miss her." Will sipped his blood and came back to the present. "So ... you still want to have this big talk about Wesley?"

"Yeah, might as well get it over with." Angel stepped to the fridge to get himself some blood but stopped when Will opened the microwave and handed him a mug. "Thanks." He made me breakfast. Angel smiled to himself.

Angel's smile was not missed by Will, who was pleased to see his sire -- no his mate -- happy. "So ... do you want to tell me what your feelings are? What happened between you and Wes before he took Connor and everything fell apart?"

"Why do I have to go first? I seem to recall you have some Wesley issues too," Angel whined.

"I made breakfast," Will replied. "Just spill it, Angel. Everything, don't hold anything back. You know I can tell when you're keeping things from me."

"That's just it, Will. There's nothing to tell. Nothing's ever happened."

"No stolen kisses behind closed office doors? No longing glances across an alleyway while dusting vampires?" Will grinned as he asked questions he already knew the answers to. He knew Angel had never done anything with Wesley; he knew Angel wouldn't allow himself the pleasure for fear of Angelus.

"No. I've always just ... kept my distance. Wesley's so ... smart and honorable and beautiful ... and I was always too scared to let him know how I felt. And then things with Cordy ... hell, I don't even know if Wesley would consider being with a human man, much less a male vampire."

"He would. He has." Will interrupted with a grin. He remembered Wesley's face the night before at the bar and the way Wes had looked at him after the meditation, while they sat talking about England and demons and Angel.

"What?" Angel asked. He was flabbergasted by Will's comments.

"Last night wasn't his first time in that type of bar, Angel. He's been to several of them in London ... repeatedly ... on purpose." Will cocked his eyebrow as he relayed this information.

"Really? Huh, I picked the place because I thought it might remind him of England, but I had no idea it would be so ... familiar."

"Yeah, well it was. Anyway, please continue with your feelings about Wes."

"Well, Cordy and I, we seemed to be going somewhere and then Groo came here and she went away with him--"

"Groo?" Will had no idea who Angel was talking about.

"I'll explain about him some other time. Anyway, I was alone and Wesley was always there ... he was a good friend ... until he took Connor and then ... well, you know what happened."

"Yes, but I don't know what you were feeling."

"Well, Lorne told me I needed to forgive Wesley in order to forgive myself for losing my son."

"Lorne's a smart man," Will said with a grin.

"Yeah, but instead of forgiving him, I tried to kill him. I told him I understood what made him take my son and then I put a pillow over his head and tried to kill him. I had to be pulled off of him. I hated him, Will. But deep inside I hated myself because I wanted to kill someone that I loved." Pause. "I haven't been able to get him out of my head. I've forgiven him, but I can't get myself to face him to tell him. I don't hate him anymore."

"What do you feel?"

"I guess ... it's kinda like how it is with you. I love him. ... Even when I hated him -- I loved him." He paused and looked into Will's eyes, "But I love you. I'm not going to ruin what we have because of some unknown, misunderstood, nonexistent relationship with Wesley."

"Angel ... if you love him you need to tell him. It's not going to ruin what we have, I won't let it. You need to tell him that you forgive him and that you care about him. I like Wesley, he's a good man. He's ... he's my protector." Will was hesitant to share this with Angel, but after everything Angel had said and after everything they'd shared that morning when he came home, Will felt the need to be honest too.

"Your what?" Angel asked, obviously perplexed by Will's statement.

"My protector." Will went on to explain everything that had happened during his meditation session and how Wesley had made him feel safe and comfortable. "He belongs here ... with us ... both of us," Will stated when he finished his story. "Bring him home."

"Now?" Angel asked.

Will looked directly into Angel's eyes. "Yes, now. You've waited long enough."

Angel nodded and went to get dressed.

Chapter 5 - Face-Off

As Angel exited the elevator around the corner form Wesley's apartment, he heard the voices of two people arguing in the hallway -- voices he recognized.

"I told you last time, Lilah. It's over. Go away and don't come back. Ever."

"Oh come on, baby. You know you can't resist me. Haven't I always left you ... satisfied?" Angel could picture the sick smile that was surely on her face. He could also tell by her voice, that she was drunk.

"I don't want you, I never did. You were just a convenient fuck." Angel was surprised by Wesley's tone and language, but Lilah certainly deserved such treatment. "And I'm not doing any work for you, so don't bother asking about that again either."

Angel turned the corner and watched the two of them. Lilah started to push her way into the apartment, "I'll make it real good for you, baby. You can do anything you want."

Wesley stopped her and shoved her back into the hallway. "I said I'm not interested. Go. Away," he ground out between clenched teeth.

Neither of them had noticed Angel move down the hall towards them until Angel stood behind Lilah and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I believe you've been asked to leave, Lilah. I'm sure it's a phrase you're quite familiar with."

"Yeah?" she replied, never taking her eyes off Wesley. "Fine. Your loss." She turned and walked off towards the elevators. Before rounding the corner, she turned back and spat out, "I'll be back and you'll be begging for it. We'll see what your morals are then. You did it once, you'll do it again." With that she was gone.

Wesley and Angel stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Wesley finally broke the silence. "Angel."

"Wes." Angel continued to stare at the man he had missed for far too long. Here he was, standing right in front of him and Angel couldn't think of how to begin. Will had convinced him to come here, but hadn't given him any tips on how to actually tell Wesley how much he needed him.

Finally, Wesley spoke again. "Is there something I can help you with, Angel?" What on earth is he doing here? "Is everything all right? Has something happened to Will?"

"No ... Will is fine. Umm ... can we talk?" Wesley could see the uncertainty on Angel's face and wondered what could possibly have the vampire scared of him. Angel was certainly the stronger of the two, he had nothing to fear from Wesley. Not now, anyway.

"Y-yes, of course. Please ... do come in." He said as he stepped aside and allowed his former friend to enter his home.

~*~

Meanwhile at the Hyperion ...

Will puttered around Angel's suite for a while, but he just wasn't ready to be left by himself for very long. As soon as he was alone, images from his past would come forth to haunt him. After pacing back and forth for an hour, he finally decided to venture downstairs; he could hear someone in the AI office as he entered the lobby.

Will rounded the corner into the office just as Cordelia was walking out. The two ran smack into each other, causing Cordelia to drop several files. "Spike! God you're as bad as Angel. Give a girl a warning, make a little noise before you give me a heart attack."

Will winced at being referred to as Spike, but was too startled to correct her. "S-s-sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He knelt before her and picked up the files she had dropped. "Here, you dropped these."

"Thanks," she muttered as she tried to not look into the vampires eyes. Her senses were picking up on his emotions. Is that fear? "Sp-- I mean, Will? Is everything okay? You seem -- uncomfortable, maybe a little scared if I'm reading you right."

"Reading me?" he asked. *Oh shit, can she tell what I'm thinking?*

"Yeah. As you know, I'm part demon now. I'm not exactly an empath, and I can't tell what you're thinking, but I seem to be able to pick up on feelings when they relate directly to me. You're not afraid of me, are you?"

Will could see the concern in her eyes and didn't know how to tell her that he was afraid of her. She had been in love with Angel and just learned that he and Angel were together. What if she wanted to get even? He couldn't protect himself against humans -- "Wait. You're part demon. I can hurt you. Can't I? I can bite you if I want." He smiled -- but it was a happy smile, not a wicked one.

"Like hell you can." Cordelia had grabbed a stake and held it just above Will's heart. "I told Angel you were bad news."

"No! Wait! I'm not going to bite you," Will backed away from her. "It's just ... I've been feeling rather helpless. Between the chip and now the soul, I've basically been neutered. But I can hurt demons. And you're half demon, which means I could hurt you ... if I wanted to ..." Cordelia glared at him, "... but I don't. Want to bite you, that is."

"Oh." Cordelia slowly lowered the stake. "Why not?" I'm perfectly bitable.

Will grinned at her as he realized that she was floating about six inches above the ground. "Well, for one thing, you're floating, which is kinda freakish. Second, I don't know if you'd taste good anymore." He smiled again.

"What?!" Cordelia screeched. "You don't want to bite me because you think I won't taste good enough?! That's ... that's just rude. You drink pig's blood for God's sake. How much worse could I be than that?" As she became angrier she rose higher above the floor.

Will laughed as he watched her floating. "You gonna come back down anytime soon, luv?" he smiled. Cordy looked down, not having noticed her predicament.

Now that she wasn't such a threat, Will finally started to relax around her and Spike was coming out. "If you want me to bite you, I guess I could force myself to do it. Sorta like a taste test and then I could let you know if you're any good. Who knows? You could be a nice, nummy treat." He laughed again, remembering a long forgotten conversation with Xander.

"Eww. No way. Back off, blondie. You come near me with those fangs and I'm staking you, I don't care what Angel thinks of you."

"All right. Truce, no biting. That's not what I came down here for anyway. I already had breakfast," he smiled.

"So what did you come down for then?" As Cordy began to calm, she slowly sank back to the floor and stood before Will slightly impatient.

Cordelia's obstinance reminded Will of Buffy, the Buffy he had fallen in love with. She had been so forceful. Always made him spit it out, state what he came for and get out of her face. Hopefully, he and Cordelia could become friends without any of the complications that had screwed things up with the Slayer. "I was lonely," he mumbled.

"What? Sorry, but the demon gifts don't include enhanced hearing. You'll have to actually enunciate your words."

Is she always so sarcastic? Does she speak to Angel with that tone of voice? He used to smack me for talking to him that way. Of course, Buffy was the same way and he fell in love with her. Maybe Angel's changed? "I said ... I was lonely." He paused and looked up into Cordelia's eyes. "When I'm alone, it's hard to keep the memories away."

Crap, he's upset and here I am arguing with him. Well, maybe it got his mind off things. "I thought you and Wesley were going to work on that?"

"We are. We started last night, but evidently there's no quick fix. Watcher said it'll take a little while. So, I thought I'd see what was going on down here while Angel's out."

"Oh, well I was getting ready to go home. There's no active cases and since I'm Vision Girl, I'll be the first to know if something comes up. So, no reason to hang out here all night."

"Oh. Good night, then," he said and turned to go back upstairs.

"Wait, Will. I could stay if you want to do something."

"Well ... I was kinda thinking about going up to Sunnydale to get some of my stuff. Would you be up for a trip?"

"Up and back tonight?"

"Yeah."

Cordelia thought for a moment. What the hell. I haven't been there in a while. And it'll be late when we get there, so I shouldn't have to see anyone. "Sure, why not. You're not going to make me visit Buffy and the others, are you?"

The idea of running into any of the Scoobies was horrifying to Will. "No. Just stop in at my crypt and get a few of my personal items. I left my friend Clem to take care of the place while I was gone. Need to let him know he can stay there for good."

"All right, let's go then."

~*~

Back at Wesley's flat

Angel stood in the doorway to the kitchen as Wesley put a kettle on the stove and busied himself preparing tea.

"So," Wesley began, "what is it you wanted to talk about, exactly?"

Angel hesitated while Wesley just stared at him patiently. "I came to ask you to come back to work."

"Why?"

Why? He's asking me why? Can't he just say 'Okay' and come back? Damn it Will, I'm not ready for this. What was I thinking, letting you talk me into coming here? I can't do this.

"You're obviously not ready for me to return. If you were, you'd be able to answer my question."

What is he? A mind reader. He knows sharing isn't one of my strengths. After hesitating for several long seconds while Wesley just stared at him, Angel finally blurted out, "We miss you."

"You miss me." Wes repeated, flatly.

"Yeah, we miss you. And ... we need you."

"We?"

"Yeah ... Gunn, Fred, Cordy ..." Angel trailed off, unable to finish. Me. I miss you, Wes.

"Ah ... I see. So why did they send you, if they miss me and need me? Fred has been calling every week for the last few months, but she's yet to ask me to return to work. She asks me to call, but she's never asked me to come back. And Gunn and Cordy? I don't think so, Angel. What aren't you telling me?" Wesley's tone was sincere. He wanted to know why Angel had come to see him. Angel, the man who should hate him, was standing in his kitchen telling him that everyone but Angel missed him and needed him. Why?

"Okay ... truth?" Angel asked. Wes nodded. Shit, I can't believe I'm doing this. Will, if this blows up in my face, I'm taking it out on you. Okay ... here I go...I can't do this. Yes I can. If I don't I'll look like an idiot. . . Right, I already look like an idiot. Dammit.

"Well?" Wesley asked. He could see that Angel was fighting himself. Opening up emotionally had never been one of Angel's strengths. He only shares things with people he feels close to. And we aren't close anymore.

Angel saw Wesley frown. Shit, if I don't start talking soon I'm going to ruin my only chance. He looked in Wesley's eyes and let the truth flow from him. "I miss you, Wes. And while the business needs you, we all know it can survive without you. I, however, cannot. Not seeing you, not talking to you ... it's killing me." Angel looked down at the floor, scared to face Wesley after saying so much.

Wesley studied Angel who was staring at the floor. Suddenly, the whistling kettle cut through the silence and startled them both. Wesley busied himself fixing the tea. "Will you be having tea? There's blood in the icebox if you prefer."

"Blood?"

Wesley smiled to himself recalling Will's similar reaction the night before. "Yes. I picked it up for Will," he explained.

"Oh ... of course. Umm ... I'll just have tea. I ate before coming over." Angel realized that the ritual of tea with Wesley was just one more thing he had been missing all these months.

~*~

In Angel's car en route to Sunnydale

"So, what was heaven like? Were you happy there?" Will asked as they drove up the highway towards Sunnydale.

Cordelia was a bit surprised by the question. Just a few minutes ago they were discussing whether or not the Sex Pistols was really music. Cordy insisted that it was not. They finally agreed to just turn the radio off. "Well, I wasn't really in heaven. At least not the way people are when they die. But ... it was ... an experience I will never forget." She paused a moment trying to figure out how to put her feelings into words that Will would understand, while not giving away information she had sworn to secrecy.

"I didn't exactly want to go." she stated. "I was on my way to the beach to meet Angel. I was finally going to tell him how I felt about him. That I was in love with him." She stopped, worried that her words might bother Angel.

"It's okay, Cordy. I know that there was something going on. And ... well, vampire hearing ..." She just stared at him. "I ... heard you two talking in the hallway this morning." Pause. "I'm sorry."

"Oh." She was quiet for a minute. "It's okay. It wasn't meant to be. I'm moving on." It's not the first time my heart's been stepped on. And now I understand things better. It really wasn't meant to be, but I can't really explain that to Will or anyone, for that matter. Forget about it and get on the with your story, Cordy. "Anyway ... I guess I could have said no, but it didn't really seem like an option at the time. But when I got ... up there ... with the Powers, it wasn't what I expected. I could see everything. I knew what Connor did to Angel and I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to so much to come save him and all I could do was watch. It was painful and I couldn't take it. And ... well, the visions before had been intrusive, but ... suddenly I could see everything bad happening everywhere. There was no filter and I wasn't prepared for that, I didn't want to deal with everyone else's problems.... I couldn't deal with everyone else's problems." She paused and looked over at Will who glanced at her and then returned his eyes to the road.

"It sounds selfish now, but I just wanted to take care of my friends ... my family. So I put my foot down. I made them send me back. And they did." Okay, so that's the abridged version, but I ... made some promises when I left. Promises I can't break.

"That easy, huh? Somehow I don't buy it, Cordy. What did it cost you? We're talking about the Powers here. They never give you something for nothing."

"I ... I can't really discuss it. I took an oath, Will." He could hear the strain in her voice. He glanced over at her again and saw a single tear sliding down her cheek. He reached over and clasped her hand in his.

"It's okay, Cor, you hold onto your secret. When it's time to share it, you'll know." He smiled at her.

"Thanks, Will. So ... tell me about Africa." She was desperate to change the subject. Will obliged and told her about his trials before the demon and getting his soul as they continued the drive to Sunnydale.

~*~

Back at Wesley's ...

Wesley and Angel sat at opposite ends of the sofa sipping tea and feeling extremely awkward. "I'm sorry if my emotional outburst upset you Wes." Angel stated without looking at the other man. "I just wanted you to know why I'm here."

"I'd hardly call that an outburst, Angel. The encounter at the hospital?" He looked over at Angel, "That was an outburst. This was just ... sharing your thoughts." He paused for a moment, continuing to stare at Angel. "Did you mean it?"

"Which part?"

"Which part?" Wes asked, raising his eyebrows. "Did you not mean all of them, only some?"

"Yes. I mean, no. Shit, I don't know what I mean, Wes. What question am I answering?"

"Did you mean what you said to me in the kitchen? About missing me? And needing me?"

Angel was a bit surprised by how blunt Wesley's questions were. He was used to the man being a bit more shy. But after the pain and loneliness of the last few months, Wesley wasn't wasting time being shy. He figured he might as well ask what he wanted to know. He didn't figure his life could get any worse, he had nothing left to lose.

"Yes, I meant it." Angel finally replied as he turned to look at Wes. He found his eyes pulled to the scar at the man's neck. It wasn't too bad, the surgeons had done a good job and it would fade more with time. Wesley unconsciously reached his hand up to his neck, tracing the thin line as he stared into space. "What really happened that night?"

Reluctantly, Wesley began explaining how he had taken Connor, gone to his apartment to collect some of his things, and then been surprised when Justine slashed his throat, took Connor, and left him to die in the park. Angel stared into his teacup as he listened not just to the words, but to the sound of Wesley's voice. He could hear the pain in the voice of this man who had meant so much to him.

"Why did you do it, Wes? Why did you really take him? Was it just to save his life because you thought I was going to kill him?"

Wesley sat silently for a moment, trying to put his thoughts into words. What was his motivation? "I ... I did it for Connor, yes. But ... I did it for you." He looked up and saw that Angel was staring intently at him; the teacup he had been staring at an hour ago now sat empty on the table before him. "I believed the prophesy. I should have believed in you, but I believed the prophesy. I took Connor because I knew that killing your son would have killed you. I thought I was protecting you both." His final words were a whisper. "I thought I was saving you, Angel."

Both men cried silently as they sat there for what seemed like hours.

"Please forgive me," stated Angel.

"Forgive you? What on earth for?" Wesley was amazed by Angel's request.

"For trying to kill you. ... No. For wanting to kill you." Wesley just stared at him. "I wanted you dead, Wesley. I wanted to do it. If they hadn't stopped me at the hospital, I would have done it. I wanted you to spend an eternity in hell. I wanted revenge."

"You had every right to, Angel. What I did to you was horrible. I caused you so much pain. It wasn't supposed to happen like that, but it did and I deserved far worse than what I got away with."

"No. You were trying to do the right thing. I was just so blinded by my pain that I couldn't see the truth. I ... I hurt so much and all I wanted to do was put it off on someone else." He stopped and wiped the tears from his face. "But hurting you only made me hurt more."

"I don't understand, Angel. You were justified in killing me, you still are." He stopped crying and his face grew calm. His voice was soft as he uttered the words he had been longing to share with someone. "Some mornings ... I wake up wishing I were dead."

Angel stared at him unsure of what to say. He opened his mouth to offer words of comfort, but was stopped.

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry, Angel. I have no one to blame for my situation but myself."

"What about Sahjhan?"

"He may have rewritten the prophesy, but I'm the one who didn't trust you. I forgot who you were. What kind of person looks at his friend and sees someone who could kill his own son?" Pause. "I know who you are, Angel, I just stopped believing in you. I let my mind control my heart."

"I understand, Wes. We've always counted on you to be the smart one in our group. To translate texts, to research prophesies, to know what to do. ... What are your heart and mind telling you now?"

"My heart tells me to trust you, to go back to work. To let time take over and heal the wounds between us all. My brain ... my brain tells me that I should stay away ... that you all are better without me ... that I'll only fuck things up again. That ... you'll all be better when I'm dead." Tears flowed down his cheeks and his voice shook as he broke down before Angel's eyes.

Angel rose from his spot and walked over to Wesley. He knelt before the man and held Wesley's face in his hands. "Look at me, Wes. We are not going to let you go anywhere. I am not letting you go. I need you." He pulled Wesley into an embrace and whispered in his ear, "Trust your heart, Wes. It's telling you the truth." Angel continued to hold his friend, rocking his body as hot tears soaked through his shirt and warmed his skin.

~*~

Spike's crypt in Sunnydale - 2 hours later

Will was standing in the upstairs area of his crypt telling Clem that he was welcome to stay there as long as he liked, because Will wasn't coming back. He had packed up the things he wanted most -- some clothes, his books and music, some photographs, and a few other objects he had picked up over the last century while traveling the world with Dru. The furniture, TV, and such were staying. Clem could do whatever he wanted with the items. As he made a final check of the room, Buffy burst through the door.

"Clem!? I saw Angel's car outside, is he--" she stopped talking when she saw Will standing in the middle of the room. "Spike."

"Buffy." He tried to remain calm, but her presence was slowly bringing down his defenses. He didn't want to break down in front of her, but if she didn't leave soon he was going to lose control and fall apart.

"Where the hell have you been?!" she shouted at him. "What? You think you can hurt me and walk away for a few months. And then when you come back I'll be all 'Welcome back, Spike. We missed you.'?? I don't think so. What are you doing here?"

Buffy's yelling broke him. Will collapsed to the ground shaking. All he could see was her bathroom. In his mind they were there again. He couldn't make the vision stop. Tears flowed down his face as he curled up into a ball on the floor of the crypt.

"Wow, Will, I never imagined a crypt would have such as nice ... bathroom." Cordelia's happy voice died as she climbed the ladder and saw her new friend lying on the floor. "Will? Will?!" she ran to his side and pulled his body into her arms. She looked up and saw Buffy just staring at them. "What they hell happened?"

Buffy didn't answer, she just stared.

"What happened, Buffy? What did you do to him?" Cordelia demanded.

"N-n-nothing. I just asked him what he was doing back here."

"We're just picking up some of his things. We'll be gone soon. If you could leave us alone, I'll get him out of here and you won't have to worry about it anymore," Cordy replied snidely.

"What's going on, Cordelia?" Now Buffy was the one demanding answers.

"I don't have time to explain things right now. Just leave, Buffy, you're upsetting Will. I'll have Angel call and explain things tomorrow. Just go ... please." She looked at Buffy. Buffy could see in her eyes that Cordelia was serious. Something was wrong with Spike and Buffy was making it worse.

"Fine. But Angel better call, if he doesn't I'm coming to L.A. to find out what the hell is going on."

When Buffy had left the crypt, Cordelia held Will, rocking him slowly. She ran her fingers through his hair and put her "powers" to work and tried to calm him. "Shh, Will. It's going to be okay. She's gone now. Come back to me, Will. It's okay, it's just me, Cordy. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." She tried soothing him with her voice, but it didn't seem to be working.

Finally, she pulled out her cell phone and called Angel. Hopefully, he had his phone with him and had turned the thing on. Ring. Ring. Ring.

~*~

Meanwhile in L.A.

After Angel had finally stopped Wesley's tears, the two had sat and talked about everything they'd been through over the last few months. Their thoughts, fears, and mistakes as well as their hopes for the future. They were interrupted by Angel's cell phone ringing. Angel looked at the screen and saw that it was Cordelia. Damn it, her visions always come at the most inconvenient times. He smiled apologetically at Wesley as he answered the phone. "Cordy. Is everything alright?"

"No. I'm with Will and he's upset. I can't calm him down, Angel. I don't know what to do for him."

Angel could hear the panic in her voice. It must be bad. Shit, why did I leave him alone? "I'll be home in a minute, just hold on."

"Angel ... we're in Sunnydale."

"What?!" Will hadn't said anything about going to Sunnydale. What the hell are they doing there?

"He wanted to pick up some of his things and asked me to come along so he wouldn't be alone. I guess it's a good thing I came, because Buffy showed up at the crypt and he just fell apart. You need to call her tomorrow or she's coming to L.A. to figure things out for herself. I didn't tell her anything."

"She doesn't know about his soul. He didn't know how to tell her." Pause. "Can you put him on the phone? Maybe I can calm him down enough that you can bring him home."

Angel could hear Cordy talking to Will and trying to put him on the phone. "He won't move, Angel. I can hold the phone to his ear if you want to try talking."

Wesley reached towards the phone. "Perhaps I can help, Angel?" Angel nodded and handed him the phone.

"Cordelia?"

"Wesley?" Cordelia was stunned to hear his voice on the phone. *What's Wes doing with Angel?*

"Umm ... yes, Cordy. It's me. Can you hold the phone to Will's ear?"

"Umm ... sure." Cordelia knew that Will was working with Wesley to learn to deal with his visions. If anyone could help right now, it was probably him. She held the phone to Will's ear.

Wesley could hear his friend crying through the phone. Here goes nothing. "Will? Will, it's Wesley. I want you to concentrate on my voice. Focus on it and relax. I want you to look inside yourself and see your protector. Do you see him? He's sitting there in his chair, waiting for you to join him in your special room. Look at him, Will. See nothing but him, he's not going to let anything hurt you right now." Wesley could no longer hear Will crying and hoped that meant he was relaxing. "Can you talk to me Will?"

"Yes." Will's response was very soft, but it was distinct. Wesley could hear his voice and knew that everything would be all right. "Can you get in the car with Cordelia and come home to me and Angel?"

"You're going to be there?" he asked. Wesley could feel the uncertainty in Will's voice.

"Yes, Will. I'll be at the hotel when you return. Let Cordy bring you home and we'll take care of everything. Just focus on your protector, he'll keep you safe during your journey."

"Okay." Will handed the phone back to Cordelia and walked out of the crypt towards the car.

Cordelia watched him and then spoke into phone. "Whatever you said worked, Wes. Tell Angel we'll be home soon."

"We'll see you in a couple hours. Drive safely, Cordy." Wesley hung up the phone and looked at Angel. "We should go ahead and head over to the hotel and prepare for Will's arrival. Would it be okay if I brought a few things? I'd like to stay there a while in case he needs me." While they had talked about their feelings, their pasts, and their future over the last two hours, Wesley was still uncertain how welcome he really was.

"Of course ... Wes?"

"Yes, Angel?"

"You know that I want you there -- not just for Will. I want you there with us. With us both. I love you and I'd like you to come -- to stay. I know you probably need time and space, but please remember that I love you. I meant everything I said. All those months I spent in that box and the last few weeks ..." Angel's voice trailed off as he stared into Wesley's eyes. "I love you," he whispered before kissing him softly.

Wesley stepped back and stared at Angel for a moment. He then nodded and walked to his bedroom to pack a few things. There were tears in his eyes, but he was happy. Maybe life was worth living.

Chapter 6 - Home

While Wesley packed and he and Angel returned to the Hyperion, Cordy drove as fast as possible back to Sunnydale. She could feel that Will was hurting, but she was helpless to stop his pain. During her time with the Powers he had never crossed her mind. She'd been so focused on her friends that she ignored everything else in the world. That was part of the reason they'd allowed her to leave. She wasn't much use to them when she couldn't focus on the job.

Wesley prepared Angel's bedroom for Will's return, lighting candles and burning incense and purifying the room. And then he and Angel sat and waited in silence for Cordy and Will. When Cordy pulled into the garage to park the car, she found Angel and Wesley in the doorway. Will was curled up in the passenger seat staring off into space. Angel opened his door, lifted him from the car, and carried him up to their suite with Wesley and Cordelia following him.

Angel placed Will on the bed and tried to get his attention, but it was useless. "Let me, Angel." Wesley said.

Angel turned to Wes and nodded. "Help him, Wes. Please?" he whispered against the man's lips as he kissed him.

"Of course, I will. It will all be better soon, I promise. If you two could leave us, please?"

Angel and Cordy both left the room. As soon as they were out the door, Cordelia turned to Angel. "What is going on?"

"What?" Angel was so focused on Will he wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"You and I need to talk, now. Downstairs." Her voice was demanding and Angel immediately knew that he was in trouble. He guessed that her senses were picking up something between him and Wesley. She's going to figure it out eventually, might as well clear things up now.

As soon as they got down the lobby, Cordelia attacked. "What the hell are you doing, Angel? Are you fucking Wesley, now?" She glared at him but he didn't answer. "What about Will? I thought you two were together now. Or was that just yesterday's excuse for forgetting about us?" She spat out.

"Will and I are mated, Cordy. There's nothing that could separate us. Nothing but death." His voice was calm and matter-of-fact as he said this.

Cordelia just stared at him. Mated? When?

When she didn't respond to his last comment, he added, "And what I do with Wes is of no concern to you." That comment broke her out of her shocked silence. "Of no concern?! Fuck you, Angel. You didn't watch him living in misery for two months. You didn't watch him scar his wrists to match the one on his throat. You didn't have to see him fucking Lilah and getting drunk until he passed out." She ground out her words and stared at him accusingly. "You have no idea what you could be doing to him now."

Angel was shocked by her words. He and Wesley had talked and Wes had told him about the self-destructive behavior of the last few months. But how did Cordelia know about this? "What are you talking about? How--?"

"My powers, Angel. When I was gone I saw everything. Remember how much it hurt when you were being tortured in hell?" Angel nodded. "Well imagine that again -- only double it because you're both the recipient and the source." Angel winced at the thought. "He loves you Angel and if you hurt him, he won't survive it. He feels bad enough about everything that happened with Connor. If you want revenge, get it some other way. Don't play with his heart."

"I'm not playing, Cordy--" He wanted to explain that he knew what Wesley felt, that they had talked, but Cordelia cut him off again.

"Angel. I know you care about him. I know what your thoughts were when you were at the bottom of the ocean." Angel's eyes grew wide at the revelation. "That's why I wasn't surprised about you and Will. I knew I wasn't the only one you had feelings for, but ... And what about Will? What's he going to think? If you two are mated and you're chasing after someone else? That's not fair to him, Angel."

Angel couldn't listen to anymore. Yes, she knew a lot, but she didn't know everything. She didn't know what had happened overnight while she was with Will. "Cordy! Will you just shut up and listen to me for a second? I'm not going to hurt Will or Wes.... I love both of them... I need both of them... and I've told both of them. They're both here by choice. Things with Wes ... we talked a lot -- all night. I know he's hurting, I know what he's done and I know why. We're taking things slow." Angel's voice softened as he continued, "All three of us need to heal, but we need each other in order to do so." He paused and forced her to make eye contact. "Why did you suggest Wesley as someone to help Will? Surely, Lorne could have found someone through all his contacts. Why Wes?"

Cordy just stared at him for a moment. "I thought they'd be good for each other. Will needs help. Wes needs a purpose again. A reason to live. And ... I just ... shit."

"What?"

"I felt a connection."

"A connection?" he was confused, that wasn't the answer he was expecting.

"My powers... my demon senses... whatever I am now, I just feel some things," she mumbled. "It's meant to be." They both stood silently facing each other. "It's all meant to be and I was too blind to see it," she said as she sat down and began to cry.

~*~

Upstairs

It hadn't take Wesley very long to get Will to relax and fall into a deep sleep. Angel had sat Will on the edge of the bed and then exited with Cordy, leaving Wesley to take care of his mate. His mate. Angel says he wants me here, but with Will as his mate, what real place can I ever expect to hold?

Wesley knelt on the floor in front of Will and clasped the vampire's hands in his own. He looked up into Will's eyes. "Will? It's me, Wes. You don't have to be afraid anymore. Are you in your safe room with your protector?"

Will didn't speak, but he slowly nodded his head in response to Wesley's question.

"That's good, but it's time to come back now. Can you come back to me?"

Wesley watched Will's eyes as they slowly became more clear. Will came back to the world and found himself sitting on Angel's bed with Wesley kneeling before him. "Wes? What are you doing here?" he asked with confusion in his voice.

"Do you remember what happened, Will?"

"Yeah, Angel went to see you and I was bored. Cordelia and I went up to Sunnydale and ... oh ... I saw Buffy." As he remembered his encounter with Buffy, Will suddenly got a look of horror on his face. Wesley could sense the vampire pulling away mentally.

"Will. Stay here with me, Will. Look in my eyes." Will looked at him. "That's good. Concentrate on me, on my eyes, on my heartbeat." He paused while Will got his emotions under control again. "Better?"

Will nodded.

"Do you remember Cordy bringing you here?"

"Yeah ... we came in the car ... You and Angel ... you were in the garage waiting for us?"

"That's correct. Angel brought you upstairs and now here we are." Wesley smiled. "You look tired. Perhaps you should get some sleep and we can talk about what happened in Sunnydale tomorrow. Okay?"

Will nodded and kicked off his shoes. Wesley stood and started to walk away so that Will could undress and go to sleep. "Don't go," whispered Will. "Please?"

Wesley stopped and nodded, but didn't turn back to face Will.

"Did Angel talk to you? Is that why you're here?"

Wesley hesitated. Why, he wasn't sure. He and Angel had talked for hours, he knew that Will was the reason Angel had finally come to see him. "Yes ... we spoke. I'm here because he asked me to come." Pause. "And I'm here for you."

"Are you here for good?" Their was an uncertainty underlying Will's question. Wesley sensed the insecurity the vampire was feeling. It was different than Angel's fear, but no less real.

"I'm here for now." Pause. "For as long as I am needed ... as long as I'm wanted." Wesley slowly turned around and saw that Will was standing naked next to the bed.

"Wes?" a hesitant voice asked.

Wesley was struck dumb by the sight before him. He's so beautiful.

"Stay with me until I fall asleep?" Will asked as he pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed.

Wesley nodded and slowly moved towards the bed. He toed of his shoes and sat at the foot of the bed staring at Will; the two stared into each others' eyes. Will silently implored Wesley to move up the bed and lie beside him.

Wesley responded to the unvoiced request and moved up the bed to Will's side. Will turned onto his side away from Wesley who curled up behind the vampire and held him to his chest. Wes gently ran his fingers through Will's hair as they both drifted off to sleep.

Not long afterward Angel returned to the suite to find the two men he loved curled up together. He hesitated for a moment, worried about disturbing them, but his desire to be with them won out. He gently lifted Wes and placed him under the covers back in the middle of the bed where he'd been. He wanted to undress the man, but knew that Wesley would be freaked out waking up between the two vampires with his clothes on. There was no telling what he would think if he awoke to find himself naked, knowing he hadn't lain down that way. Angel undressed and put on pajama pants before crawling into bed and curling up behind Wes. He stretched his arm out across him to rest it on Will's hip and drifted to sleep feeling at peace. This is home.

continue to chapters 7-9