Chapter 7 - Scars

Wes awoke to find himself alone. He could hear the shower running and wondered if Will and Angel were in there together. He was happy to be alone, to have some time to think about what he was doing there. Lying in their bed.

His thoughts drifted to Lilah. He had been dreaming of her. He missed her. Yes, he loved Angel, but he wasn’t sure things would work between them. After all he had done, it was hard to imagine that Angel could ever truly forgive him. He had been comfortable with Lilah. The moments they spent together were easier. There were no expectations. He missed lying beside her, just being calm. Enjoying the peace and quiet after their sometimes frantic, sometimes languid, sexual escapades. His thoughts drifted back to their first night together.

*Flashback*

Wesley was lying on the bathroom floor, whisky soaking his shirt while blood seeped out of his arm. In his drunken state he’d dropped his glass, then fell as he tried to clean up the mess. He lay there just feeling -- the cut’s dull ache was the first thing he’d felt in ages. He’d drowned all his emotions, unaware of pain or pleasure for weeks. The pain and the blood made him think of Angel. How would his bite feel? Wes rolled onto his side and reached for a wedge of glass, touching his fingertip to the corner. Nice. Sharp. He imagined it was the tip of a fang. Picking up the glass, he rolled onto his back, carefully tracing the edge along his skin -- across his palm and wrist, up his arm, over his collarbone, and up his neck. He didn’t press hard enough to draw blood, just lightly scratched the surface. He closed his eyes and imagined Angel making love to him, teasing him with the threat of his bite, but never hurting him. Scraping his fangs over Wesley’s pulse points.

Wesley felt himself get hard and began stroking himself through his pants. He could feel Angel’s lips, tongue, and teeth working their way down his body. He scraped the glass over his chest and stomach and brought it back to the inside of his arms where the skin was so sensitive. As he became aroused he rubbed himself harder and pressed the glass deeper into his flesh, both aware and unaware of the blood. He felt himself bleeding for Angel; he was offering himself to his lover. He kept stroking and cutting himself until he exploded in his pants.

“Must be one hell of a fantasy. Mind if I join you?”

Wesley’s eyes snapped open and found Lilah standing above him. She grinned, as did he when he realized she wasn’t wearing anything under her skirt. “Why not?”

*End Flashback*

“Hey. You’re awake.” Wesley hadn’t noticed Angel enter the room. He was alone, but the shower was still running. “Can I get you some breakfast? Or lunch maybe? It’s 12:30.”

“Umm... tea? And... then maybe some lunch after I get settled in?”

“Sure. I’ll put the kettle on.” Angel turned, leaving Wesley to follow when he was ready.

Wesley sat up and hesitated for a moment before rising.

**Meanwhile, in the shower...**

Will leaned against the wall and just let the water cascade down his back. Angel had left a few minutes earlier to check on Wesley. Wesley. I can’t believe I’m accepting help from another Watcher. At least this one won’t chain me up in the bathtub... Or maybe he would... If I asked nicely. Will smirked. When he wasn’t being paralyzed by visions, he was still very much the same Spike he’d been before the soul. I hope Wes helps me box all this shit up soon. I don’t want to spend the next hundred years brooding like Peaches.

Will turned off the water and reached for a towel. As he dried off he could hear Angel and Wesley in the kitchen. He smelled warm blood and hot tea and realized he should probably head there himself. He tossed his towel on the floor. Wouldn’t want Angel to think I was too housebroken. Then he ambled into the kitchen.

Angel looked up as Will entered, smiled, and shook his head. Wesley’s back was to Will, but seeing Angel’s face, he turned in his chair and promptly turned red. “W-W-Will, do you think you could put some clothes on?”

“What for? Not like I’m gonna catch a chill now, is it?” He opened the fridge, pulled out a pack of blood, and tossed it in the microwave.

“William.” There was a warning behind Angel’s tone, subtle but recognizable to the man who’d spent so many years as Angelus’ childe. “I’ll take care of that while you go get dressed.” Eyebrows raised, he grabbed a mug and turned the microwave.

“Right then. I’ll just go grab some knickers. Be right back.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Angel. It’s nothing I’ve never seen before.”

Angel raised his eyebrows again as he looked at Wes.

“Okay, so I haven’t seen Will naked before. But I have seen naked men before.”

“But you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable in your own home, Wesley.”

“This isn’t my home, Angel. It’s yours. And Will’s, of course.”

“I thought you were staying.”

“Yes, well. I’m not sure there’s really space for me here.”

“Wes. Is this about the space or about us? You can have a room of your own if you want. Spike has the rooms across the hall. He sleeps here, but he has his own space. There’s no reason you can’t have rooms of your own as well.”

Wesley wasn’t sure how to respond. It was about more than the space, but he hadn’t really thought of having his own room and still being welcome in Angel’s. “Perhaps I can get situated in another room and we can proceed from there?”

“Sure.” The two men shared a long look in silence.

Will returned wearing jeans and a t-shirt. “Hey, who died?”

“No one. Wes and I were just discussing setting him up with his own rooms.”

“Oh. But you’re staying, right?”

“Yes. I’ll be staying, at least until you’re better.”

“Right.” Will turned and glared at Angel. “Until I’m better. And if I were better now?”

“Don’t look at me. This is Wesley’s decision. If he’s not comfortable, I’m not going to keep him here against his will.”

“You’d just give him up, just like that?”

“Excuse me. I’m right here. You can talk to me rather than over me, especially since you’re talking about me.”

“Right, sorry. Okay, Wesley. What if I were better now? Would you stay?”

“I’m not sure.” Will and Angel just stared at him. “I... I don’t know how it is you expect me to fit into your relationship. You’re mated, you’re vampires, I’m just a human and I haven’t always managed to do that very well. I...”

“What William and I have doesn’t exclude you, Wesley. I know we have a special bond, but... we’re incomplete without you.”

Will nodded.

“Will, you barely even know me. How can you possibly feel this way?”

“Dunno really.”

“You don’t know? Is that supposed to make me feel welcome?”

“Yes. No. I dunno. I’m... for god’s sake, Wes, I sent Angel to get you. Okay? I want you here. There’s something in my gut when I look at you, when I think about you. I can’t describe it, but it isn’t anything I’ve ever felt for anyone else. It’s like what I feel for Angel, but it’s different. I don’t know if it’s the bleedin’ soul or something else, but it’s there. It’s real. It’s for you. So, yeah, I expect you to feel welcome.”

It was Angel and Wesley’s turn now to stare at William. He’d gotten himself so worked up pacing and waving his free hand around, Angel feared the mug he gripped in the other might shatter.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Angel and William asked in unison.

Wesley knew that he still needed his own space. Especially after the unexpected memories of Lilah. He wasn’t ready to put his past behind him, but he couldn’t think of such things in Angel’s home. It wasn’t fair. He knew that he was willing to stay even if Will didn’t need him anymore, but he was scared to stay knowing that perhaps he gained as much from helping Will as the vampire did. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay, at least for a while. But I still want my own room.”

“Anything,” said Angel.

Chapter 8 - coming soon